Tuesday 23 December 2008

i took up my apple and knife and started to slice the apple i was going to eat into pieces. today, i have to decide this terrible truth- to break up with him or not. don't misunderstand me or what, cause i really love him a lot. but the problem is that if i continue to be with him, both of us will suffer immensely. so tonight, i had a date with him. i am going to tell him, no, force myself to shout at him that i hate him and that i do not want to be with him anymore. so i apply make-up on my face and wore a pretty dress with heels, all of them green. i took my handbag with me and walked to his BMW, smiling slightly. i wanted him to notice how uncomfortable i was with him, wanted him to ask me why, as i know, without him starting the subject i would never say those hurtful words at all.while driving, he looked at me with his gorgeous, green eyes. i scrutinised his dressing. on his beautifully carved body was a pleasant light blue shirt with white stripes and a pair of long, black pants. they suited him to a T. "what's wrong, Angelia? you look...well...sad. are you not enjoying yourself on our date?" he asked in his soothing, deep voice. " no, it is not like that,"i whispered, then loudly," look,erm, Jas, it is not that i don't like you or whatever, but i just feel...," i took a deep breath," i don't love you, i ... what am i talking about? i don't even like you! i hate you for having this rich, rich father, i hate you for always having this BMW, i hate you for your fancy dressing, i hate you for always making me stay in your shadow, always hidden from the public eye, i hate you for everything you have ever done for me, even for me!" i exhaled. Jasperia de britainia breaked. the whole car stopped abrubtly. he paused, then looked at me. " you ...h-hate me?" he asked, pain in his voice, his eyes scorching green, wet. "y-yes," i whispered, my voice cracked as my tears threatened to spill out of my eyes like two buckets of water. i shut them up and bit my lips. my heart hurts like a million, no, a trillion arrows had pierced into it. the pain was terrible, but i just couldn't let him see me break down in tears. i couldn't. he would see through my lies. it wasn't true. my words weren't true. the silence stretched longer than i would have expected, and i struggled to turn my sobs and gasps of pain and sadness into long, slow breaths. at last, jasperia started driving the car again, only that he was taking me home. at night, long after he had gone, i dived into my bed, grabbed a pillow and stuffed it into my face, hoping to muffle my cries of help from the pain and grieve that i was having deep inside my heart. how could i believe that i had said those words out? to him, the first man i had ever truly loved? how- oh, how, how, how could i? then i saw the knife laying on the table, the long, sharp piece of metal i know that would soon cut my throat , ending my life, allowing me to escape from the pain that i am experiencing now.so painful.... but it is all going to be over now...i love you, jasperia maceline georgia de britainia...


she told the story ... 00:48





she told the story ... 00:05


Thursday 4 December 2008

we went for a holiday trip to malaysia 5 days ago. firstly we went to kualar lumpur, aka kl. there our parnets shopped for good bargains while the children-4 of us, gene, euni, jojo and me were feeling tortured by the long walks from street markets to shopping centres and back to the hotel. it was a 3 days 2 nights trip.the only thing the children looked forward to was that the adults pitying us as they know that we do not quite enjoy this experience and walk us back to our hotel. they will buy our dinner for us. in each of our hotel rooms we will bathe and eat our meals. after the adults had us in our pyjamas and warm with food, they will leave us in one of the hotel rooms and let us play together while they go do some shopping again. my mother said,"the adults enjoy a little bit here while the children suffer, but when we get to genting highlands, the adults will suffer while the children enjoy!" my father said," actually, i came here to relax, but i get tortured instead."
after kl, we went to genting highlands. i slept the whole way. i woke up when we neared the bottom of the mountain and was a little dizzy when Father drove us to the top. we played the games there and even watched a magic show on the 1st night. unfortunately, it was not as spectecular as we thought it would be for my family members saw alot of loopholes in the magic. the children played while the adults sat and waited patiently for us to finish playing. we communicated with walkie talkies. we sat the water game in the outdoor themepark. it was the most thrilling ride i ever sat! more thrilling than the one in escape themepark! you sit in a boat with about 1 or 2 other people and there will be slides which you will og up and up and go splashing down! in our little, touring family which consist of two family, htere are 4 adults and 5 children, one of them which could not attend the tour as it clashes with a last gathering shallay party. the ladies did not want to get wet, well actually, all of them refuse to accompany jojo and i to get wet. we had to persuade them alot of times before they agreed to get wet.there will be one adult in each boat, and 2 children too. all of us were deciding which seat to seat, which seat would get wet most. it was decided that gene, father and i would sit together and jojo, euni and uncle in another. father was supposed to sit first, gene second and i last, but in the last minute, gene changed places with me. (honestly i think he was trying to escape being the wettest!) euni sat 1st, jojo 2nd and uncle last in the other boat.the 1st slope was refreshing as the water splashed into our faces. we were wet! yay! behind me was vice-versa. wile father and i cheered, gene cursed and said that he would never want to sit in this ride again. then, ojojo's boat came splashing down soon after. it was later then when the ladies were seeing us get wet while standing on the bridge, they also got a bit of the splash when we came down. they were two slopes, but i still think that the 1st slope was more refreshing. then there was another happening. we, the 4 children, were lining up for the cyclone. then it started drizzling. we came out of the line on our parents' advice from the walkie talkie. when we lined up for the second time, it started to rain heavily and we were forced to quit queueing up for it. on the last day that we went home on,we ate our dinner at jb. when we went back to our cars, we found out that our uncle's car was broken into. the window was smashed, leaving debris on the seat and on the road.their bag, which was left on the car's back seat was gone. euni said that inside the bag was their gameboy, 4 catriadges and a big scarf. luckily, their passport was in their booty. father and uncle cleaned the car while we stood at the side of the road. a few residents saw what happened and gave us some advice. gene kept on lamenting about the gameboy.
this is a sad, unusual and exciting experience for me. i was going to play detective when father told us to get into the car. we were going home! home sweet home!


she told the story ... 03:04


%that's me
Grace_11/1/97_Stressful girl_currently stuck in peps_Hello and have a nice day :)

%Loves
~ Calla Lillies
~ Family and Friends
~ Animals
~ Animania like Naruto
~ BFF
~ & kisses


%Hatred
~ Calla Lillies
~ Some people [If you can even call them human]
~ Barney the purple dinosaur
~ Betrayers
~ Back-stabbers
~ & Idiots P.S no offence

%Music



Cravings
~ i want a life
~ go to the Bermuda triangle when i want to die
~ find my true love when i am in university
~ Forget about stress



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